In the immortal words of Jay-z, “Hov’ did that, so hopefully, you won’t have to go through that,” which is my purpose of writing this post. Let me set the scene: for all intents and purposes, I had a decent upbringing. All in all, I was taught to have standards, and I did! or at least I thought. Then I met my 20’s, and I think they (my standards and good sense) left me alone for a decade or so.

“How you do anything is how you do everything.” So, I choose to hang around people who proved that they did not like me. The truth is, no one ever said they did not want me (to my face), but all I would have to do is look at the treatment I was getting and how I felt with and around certain people to get the real story. However far one can get with a minimum amount of effort, they will. Guess what? It does not necessarily make them bad; it just means that you allowed it, and you shouldn’t if you want better.

In another blog post, I concluded that self-esteem is a direct correlation to self-respect. So, if you have higher self-esteem, then you will have higher self-respect. Having higher self-respect means you will not allow certain things to happen or allow certain people to permeate your life who are not there for the right reasons. Understanding this is super important when we enter relationships, especially romantic ones. Having higher self-esteem will not necessarily eliminate the bullshit that happens (i.e., ghosting), BUT your tolerance for such foolishness will be drastically limited.

Let us go through this list I’ve created, and feel free to add to it in the comments!


  1. You are happy -I mean thrilled, with yourself first. When you treat yourself with a high level of respect and regard, who will you let mistreat you? The most significant relationship you will EVER have will be with yourself.
  2. The people/person you are dating respect you – the person does not leave you on “read” or ghost for days/weeks/months at a time. AND if they do, YOU do not allow that in your life
  3. You see the red flags and take note, instead of justifying or making excuses
  4. You date!! Like go out and are in public. Yes! It is a real thing! You both got up, got dressed, and went OUT (yep, In public!) Buh-Bye Netflix and chill. Hello door opening and great convos at your favorite restaurant
  5. Did I mention you are happy? – like so much so, it does not matter how many people you meet who may tell you that you are something silly like “high maintenance,” you are completely and utterly content with who you are
  6. You are not trying to prove yourself to your date; instead, you are letting things flow or even allowing them to take the lead on initiating things to do.
  7. You are even having fun! Yes, dating is supposed to be fun, exciting even! Not a daunting task because everyone you meet is a loser since you don’t entertain them anymore, right?
  8. You appreciate and value yourself so much that you don’t deal with people who don’t, simple
  9. You are not trying to “wife” everyone you meet. You are confident, taking time to get to know people and not stuck on someone simply because they are there, yuck.
  10. You know that by yourself, you are amazing, the total package, and Anyone who you let into your life will benefit from your gifts and talents that you possess naturally.

Our experiences shape our lives, so it would make sense that having some bumps in the road and our relationships can make it hard for us to feel good about ourselves. I get it, and you do not need to do the work to get back to the truth of yourself alone! If you are in Texas or Georgia, contact me for a consultation, or schedule an appointment.

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